Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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