I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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