So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
