no, he came in my armpit
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
