I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sex in a hospital.. check
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
