soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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