her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
