Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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