when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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