Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am one with the molecules
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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