Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
