These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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