i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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