the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
