I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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