it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
