last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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