She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
