Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
