True but thats because hes a fetus.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
