You made me cry and you don't even care
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
