It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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