sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
