We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
