i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
