ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
