I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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