call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.