Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"