talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
