I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
