1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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