The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
