Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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