Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
