shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
