cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
