3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
