I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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