You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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