Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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