It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
