I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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