Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
are you so shy because you have an std?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
