Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think your dad took our porno
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
