tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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