Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
