gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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