Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
