come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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