I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
