yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and she was petting her beer can
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
