My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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