Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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