Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
