I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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