the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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