Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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