You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
