I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
