it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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