either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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